i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A bitchslap is in order.
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