i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
