if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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