the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
