I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
