I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize