she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
