Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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