This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
