she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
