Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
