Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
