I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
