oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
