I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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