I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize