i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
