this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
