just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
