My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
