I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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