Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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