I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
