Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
