um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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