you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
