I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
