i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
