As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
