so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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