guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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