If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
