I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
