True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
