True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
