I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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