I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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