I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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