if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
