I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
