today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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