I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
