I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
