Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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