you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize