please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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