I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
