dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
