apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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