so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize