you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where are my eyebrows?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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