He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
