forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
