Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
