How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
