hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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