yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
