just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so that wasnt chicken after all
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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