Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
