Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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