Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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