I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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