Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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