I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
