oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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