Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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